During a celebration evening this week at Kings Church London during the song ‘Indescribable‘, I felt an overwhelming sadness which was not my own. I felt that there were people in the room who were unable to sing the lines in this well-known song ‘You know the depths of my soul and you love me the same’. It was a sense that people knew it in their heads and they knew it for other people but found it difficult to believe it for themselves.
If God knew ‘my stuff’, the very depths of my soul where I keep my private thoughts and feelings how could He love me? Does this sound familiar in any way? Have you ever felt like this?
God reminded me of the scripture…
Roms 8:1 ‘So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus’.
God knows everything about us, every thought we have before we even have it. He is interested in every part of our lives including our thoughts and feelings, good or bad. Sometimes we feel so ashamed of our thought life that we try and keep it hidden and don’t divulge our true feelings about things. But, God knows. He wants us to be honest and raw with Him about how we feel and give it to Him so He can help us deal with our ‘stuff’. When we hide the things we feel ashamed of we are giving the enemy freedom to hold us captive and to believe the lies that no one will like us if they truly ‘knew us’ and that some things are best left in the dark. It becomes a ‘trap’ that holds us back in our walk with God and from being all we are called to be. If we are not able to be honest with God then who can we be honest with?
My story has involved living in shame resulting from choices I had made in my life and this coat of shame was such a comfy fit I didn’t realise that I was wearing it! The breakthrough came for me when I gave my testimony to a small group of ladies in my courage group at TSM. I spoke/cried for 30 minutes and told them my ‘full story’ which involved messy and noisy sobbing (and the theme tune from EastEnders playing in my head) but the freedom that came after was incredible. I had a prophetic word over me about a ‘royal exchange’ taking place where my coat of shame was being replaced by royal robes! I have never been the same since!
These days I am such a big fan of bringing it all to God and I try to keep a short account with Him. I am passionate about others coming in to freedom from shame and I will blog more about this in the future.
Back to the celebration evening and my heavy heart during the worship made me feel an overwhelming ache for people to be able to sing out the lyrics to the song from the very depths of their souls, knowing that God loves them. God then gave me a picture of a daisy in full bloom and reminded me of the childhood game we probably all used to play (women I’m presuming, but I’m happy to be wrong) growing up, when you pull the petals off one by one saying ‘he loves me, he loves me not’. But in this game God was saying instead as the petals were being pulled off-‘I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you’ and nothing is going to change my love for you.
I was reminded of another verse in Romans…
Roms 8:38-39, ‘For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord’.
From a very grateful and over whelmed daughter of the King!
He loves you, He loves you, He loves you, He loves you, He loves you, He loves you!