I was having a conversation with a friend about the fact I always wear lots of colours, all at the same time (I had on a dress like an abstract piece of art you’d see in the Tate Modern as we were speaking).
I explained to her that this hadn’t always been my story and how God intervened to change my thinking and the way I dress today. That perhaps sounds a bit dramatic but in many ways it is because let’s face it when God speaks to you through other people and suggests a different way of dressing you listen, eventually!
God really is interested in every detail of our lives and I mean every detail. Nothing is too insignificant for Him to care about and my story is a reflection of that.
Matt 6:30 30 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?
So some years ago I started on a journey of beginning to understand who God had made me to be and starting to step more into what that looked like. An amazing course I did called TSM (Training for Supernatural Ministry) had a huge impact on my life and my understanding of who God is as my Father and consequently who I am and the outworking of being His daughter for the world around me.
As a result of the teaching I heard and prolific reading, I was beginning to understand and recognise that I heard God’s voice but was hampered by anxiety to share what I thought He was saying because I was always worried about crying and becoming too emotional as I spoke. Part of what I was learning was that God had created me to be super sensitive and whenever I encountered the Holy Spirit I would cry (still do to be fair). Also the way I was encountering the Holy Spirt with shaking and flapping arms meant I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and would want to fade into the background most of the time because I felt weird.
As I grew in confidence a bit I would share more and more what I felt God was saying, but I often felt I shared in an apologetic way almost embarrassed to be at the front and often not even looking up as I shared. I would also have to keep stopping as emotion came and then there was the shaking and flapping that I mentioned. I didn’t seem to be able to stop the flapping and because I didn’t see anyone else respond like this I felt very confused about what was going on.
During this time period I had three different people come and share words for me about, in a nutshell, ‘hiding’. They were all shared with love and were along the lines of God asking why I kept wearing black, or suggesting I start wearing colour and the one that I was most offended about was hiding behind my hair!
I loved my hair-what! Anyone who was born curly knows the reality of GHD’s changing lives right! Suddenly I had the straight hair of my dreams! Okay it did cover half of my face but hey! In my heart I think I was offended and didn’t listen to the words straight away because I didn’t understand God’s heart for me and what He was trying to say and I guess I thought why does it matter to God how I dress?
But thankfully, you’ll be glad to know, I did stop and take stock and began to understand the Father’s heart and that He wasn’t cross with the way I was dressing or that I shouldn’t straighten my hair but it was more of a sadness about what my choices were representing. He hadn’t created me or you to be hidden away, denying the very essence of who He has created us to be. I began to realise that as a father He looks on us and is proud of what He has created and wants the world to see what He sees and what He has put in each of us.
When I look back it’s a bit mad because the thing is I love colour and am always drawn to it because of the way He made me creative. I see the world in colour and notice all the details, all the hues, the nuances and so why wouldn’t I start to express that and let my colours show? The bottom line is-colour just makes me feel joyful!
So, I started to intentionally not choose black clothes and allow my creativity to come through in the way I dressed and the way I wore colour. It doesn’t mean I never wear black and let’s face it this is not merely about wearing colour, but allowing myself to be hidden away. I have taken big strides forward in coming out from my hiding place and allowing myself to be seen knowing the Father’s pride over me.
It is also an expression of freedom as I no longer wear the coat of shame that I used to wear before I learnt that God loves me despite the choices I have made and that He can’t love me any more or any less than He does today. When you carry shame all you ever want to do is bury the real you, because if people knew the real you they would be shocked by your stuff. Shame is all about hiding because you feel you are unacceptable! I now understand I am 100% accepted (as are you) and that no mess or bad choices are too big for God’s love and grace to cover.
I believe there are people reading this who have been hiding their true colours and that today there is an opportunity to allow the Father to speak to your heart. He never created you to hide but to walk in the light and to walk tall and be seen. He is so proud of you, His beloved, and wants the world to know that you are His.
Matt 5:14-16 Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.